1-24-2013

      So about that newspaper job. I looked up “clips” and it just means copies of your published articles. I haven't had a “published article” since high school newspaper. I wonder if I have any old copies. I haven't looked through the old boxes of junk for awhile, but I don't remember having any. Man, there are so few hours in a day. My friend and I went to Wingstop for lunch and watched a movie on the Netflix. After she left, I cleaned the kitchen, started the laundry, proofread, edited, and posted my next blog entry, and I'm only now getting around to writing today's post, this right here, at 6:50 PM. I remember reading on the Cracked.com site about signing up to write for them and I seem to remember it being super easy, but once again, the day got away from me. So, again, I want to get this done so I can maybe go check that out and at least get registered before bedtime. Hold on to your hats, fans, but I had NO TIME to play The Sims 3 today! I need my fix! Buuuuut I did watch the season finale of American Horror Story, which was awesome and quite satisfying. If you haven't watched this season, it is a must see.

      Ooo, I know what I wanted to talk about! Not to make it sound exciting or anything, it's just something to write. So, night before last, I had a dream that I was at a party at Stephen Colbert's house, which looked totally huge and awesome, by the way. Anyway, I'm standing with a cocktail in the living room, trying to look cool, but no one is talking to me, because they're, like, all celebrities and I'm, well, me. All of a sudden, this gorgeous redhead gets up off the couch and asks me if I knew where she could put her coat. Being the gentleman that I am, I tell her that I'd be happy to take her coat for her (although, I'm pretty sure I was a guest, just to make that clear). She said, “Thank you,” but if I could just show her where to put it she'd appreciate it. I made some sort of right-this-way gesture, like I had any idea where I was going, and I began giving the lady a tour of the house. I remember walking into a few rooms and discussing how lovely Stephen's house was. Eventually, we ended up outside at some sort of greenhouse or maybe a bird sanctuary of some kind. The woman proceeded to climb onto the roof and began making what looked like some kind of repairs to it. Mind you, this entire time that we are outside, up to and including the roof patch-up, we are having the most amazing, engrossing conversation. It was something about world events or politics - a few different topics, but like that, if I remember right. So she's up there hammering about on the roof and I'm on the ground looking up at her, as if it were the most normal thing in the world and we're talking away like two intelligent, sexy, old friends. And then I woke up. Don't you hate that? The thing is, after I woke up, I remembered the face and it was a face I recognized, but couldn't quite place. All I could remember was that she was a famous redhead. So, of course, I searched for pictures of famous redheads, as you do, and I found her! It was Lauren Ambrose! I looked her up on Wikipedia and she's happily married with two kids. What the hell, man? I so thought that dream meant that we were “meant to be”. Hmm... Why she gotta lead me on like that? Women. Am I right, fellas?

      How cool would it be to get an article published on Cracked.com? Super duper cool is how cool. They want articles, photoshops, infographics, and videos. I don't really know anything about creating graphics and photo manipulations and that kind of thing, so I'm going to give writing an article a stab. The thing is: they need their articles to be in their patented (probably not patented) list-style way. That's a bit frightening to the anal-retentive in me. For example, if I wrote an article called, oh, let's say The Six Things You Should Know About Silly Putty. Even after publication, I'd be mentally disturbed over the notion of, perhaps, having forgotten the seventh thing you should know. Not so much out of a concern for public safety, but more out of having written a poorly researched and incomplete article. Ya know, me being perfect and all. But I suppose the best thing to do is to just jump in and block out all those screwy little insecurities. I suffer everyone else's imperfections already. It's time to get out there and make everyone suffer some of mine. I think it will be okay.