1-22-2013

      Okay, it's actually 3:03 PM on 1-23-2013. I'm thinking I need to keep the last two lines on each page blank to make the copy and paste to e-mail simpler. As it is now, I have to go down the e-mail and space between each entry, which is no big deal when you only have a few entries, but if I'm doing this everyday...

      Woo hoo! Now it's 9:14 PM and I have to finish this page AND today's after this! In case this is actually ever read by anyone, this wasn't meant to be polished, hilarious entertainment. It's more of a tool to keep the writing juices flowing in hopes of maybe stumbling across a nugget once in awhile. So myehh to you. God, this is so hard. I have truly run out of things to say. I mean I could say things, but they wouldn't be anything like the wonderful, interesting things I've said already. Like it's getting warm so I'm standing up to turn up the fan. That's better. I wonder how cold it's getting tonight. Lemme check. Okay, 55, nice. I hate the weather here. It doesn't stay cold long enough. What else? What else? Well, my French toast came out delicious, of course, and I fried up some breakfast sausage to go with it and then I turned on some Daily Show and then passed out on the couch. I gotta get back to eating better. It's like I go through these cycles. I didn't feel so hot after my late afternoon breakfast there. Not sick, just like a fat, bloated whale that had to “beach” on the couch for a couple of hours. I made myself get up at 7 PM, because I wanted to get the kitchen cleaned up and I listened to some comedy on the ol' Pandora whilst doing so. Now, I'm in my bedroom writing for you – with a little help from Ms. Vodka! I know I'm a horrible person after complaining about alcohol before, but at least I didn't drink last night! So that's something, right? Seriously, I'm going to really try not to overdo it tonight. But what can I say, it just feels good. Without it, I'm just really sad and anxious. Not always, just sometimes. I'm only putting a shot in every other Diet Coke, so that's helping to slow it down a bit. Anyway, I feel like drinking is something I can't really change right now in my life. On the other hand, regarding my diet, I'm starting to see that a bit like when I was smoking – cigarettes, that is. What I mean is in the way that it's something that I actually feel is in my power to change easily without being too painful. I smoked for most of the time from 1999-2012, just not alot. Like a pack would last a week or two. So for me it was just a distraction and not so much a necessity. Then, this past summer, I read an article about some scientists who published their findings specifically about people who only smoked about as much as I did and how it was still really bad for you, so I just finished my pack and quit. I'd say I missed cigarettes for maybe a week and then I didn't anymore. In the spirit of full disclosure, I did smoke twice since and that's still bad, but I can live with myself having smoked four cigarettes in a six-month period. And I'll probably never do it again.

      So, eating “bad” food is sort of like smoking cigarettes to me in that I could just as easily stop it without putting myself through a whole lot of pain. I don't really even enjoy “bad” food anymore, at least not like I used to when I was younger. I wonder if your taste buds change or if you've lived enough years knowing what you shouldn't eat that one day it just sort of “comes online” in your subconscious. I don't know what it is, but now when I eat something that's not good for me, like super sweet or super fatty, I think to myself, “Ya know, self, this doesn't taste as great as I remember it as a kid and I'd rather be eating a bowl of my yummo mulligatawny.” Of course, you can insert your own favorite yummo “good” food there. Over the past few days, I've been eating raspberry crisp (filled with sugary raspberrylicious syrup) with Cool Whip and pumpkin pie with Cool Whip and nachos and French toast and sausage and all kinds of stuff like that I shouldn't be eating. And I'm having that same feeling like when I quit smoking. I could quit this stuff easy, so why don't I? Granted, ten years ago I couldn't have. I loved it too much. But for whatever mysterious reason, biological or what, “bad” foods just aren't as delicious to me as they once were. I went on a 21-day vegan diet (pcrm.org, if you're interested) last year and it wasn't hard to do. I think I could do vegetarian with fish.