1-29-2013

      It was nearing the end of my first month at Walmart, when I was having a conversation with a co-worker about how I hadn't yet been trained on making a cardboard bale. He said something to the effect of, “Oh, they'll teach you that within a month or two,” to which I replied, something to the effect of, “Oh God, I'd better not still be here in a month or two.” He gave me a strange look. I couldn't be sure whether the look was communicating that he thought I was crazy to want to leave or if he was trying to tell me to keep quiet in a “you never know who's listening” kind of way. Here's the hilarious part. In two months, I'll have been here a year! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Kill me.

      Hmm...I kinda just wanted to end the post on that note, but that would be lazy. Let's see. What else? What else? At work this morning, we had to do a thorough cleaning of the fish tanks which allowed me to spend all morning with – oops, almost forgot about not using names – a co-worker who I love working with because we really get along and poke fun at each other and I missed her bunches because we used to work together almost everyday, but for about the past month or two, I've been kidnapped by Grocery on a daily basis. Anyway, we haven't worked together in forever, but we did today, and it made me happy all day. You know, it's interesting (to me, at least); I'm learning things about myself through writing this blog everyday. This may be a complete misreading of the facts, but I think I might not be as constantly and continuously sad as I thought I was. On the other hand, my mood tends to cycle through good and bad through stretches of time sometimes as long as a month or a season. So maybe I just happen to be in the middle of a good stretch. Time will tell. Anywho, after work, I went home. I ate an egg and cheese sandwich. I watched more Portlandia. The end...or is it?

1-28-2013

      Okay, so I just finished the last entry and now it's 2:23 PM, 1-28-2013. I can't believe the day's more than half over! I just woke up! I'm hungry. Be back soon. I'm back and it's five hours later. I made some potato and egg tacos and I caught up on all the Daily Shows and Colbert Reports on hulu. Then, I watched an American Idol and then I watched this season's first three episodes of Girls. Oh and I cleaned the kitchen too! So at least it wasn't a totally lazy day. And now, I'm watching an episode of Portlandia. I really need to jump into this Cracked article, but I don't know how to start, like what to write it on, so I think I'm maybe procrastinating a little. Well, it's already 9:16 PM, and I haven't played Sims in ages or a few days, actually, so I feel like playing a little before bed. And then, work is tomorrow. But then, I'm off for two days and I am really gonna get on it. I used to work Saturday through Tuesday and be off Wednesday through Friday, but now my days off are split, being off Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Woah. I just checked my schedule online and for Feb 09 – Feb 15, they have me scheduled for 40 hours. That's weird. First of all, my official schedule availability is supposed to cap me at 28 hours per week. Now here's the thing. A few months ago, they just started scheduling me 32 hours per week. I never said anything, because, let's be honest, I really need the money. But what's strange is that as a part-timer, they get really excited if you work over 32 hours in a week. I can't remember exactly what the deal is, something like if you work over a certain number of hours every week (I forget, but like somewhere between 35-39) for a certain number of weeks, they have to make you full-time. So are they making me full-time? I mean, because the schedule is different from the week before, I'm pretty sure someone had to go in and make it, like a purposeful, manual override, ya know? In any event, I need the money, so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut again. If it's a mistake and they fix it, that's cool. If someone screwed up and they don't catch it, I guess I'll just let myself slip naturally into full-time – like I said...money...need...badly.

  

1-27-2013

      It's 12:55 in the PM on 1-28-2013. I just couldn't get around to writing yesterday and I just woke up! Ah, I love it when I can “sleep-in”. Tee hee! Hey, I think I might actually be in a good mood! I better not look at it or it'll disappear. Sooooo, since last we spoke (that's a weird way of putting it), what have I done? We're talking 1-27-2013, mind you. Um, I woke up and went to work. I put out some paper/chemicals and then got assigned to assemble the kennels for display in Pets. While I'm “assembling”, a cashier acquaintance, who was shopping for fish supplies, stops by and chats with me about Bettas and other fish for a few minutes. I always thought she was kinda cute, but she also seems “pretty smart” and can “hold a conversation”. So that was cool. Hmm... Moving on.

      The rest of the day you probably already know: lunch, zone, returns, home. That gave me an hour before my friend got there, so I showered and straightened up the house a little. I can feel some of you laughing at how apparent it is that I don't have people over very often. You're right. Or is that just all in my head and this is really just me laughing at myself? Wuuuuut? Anyway, about an hour or so after I got home, he comes over. We watched Clerks Uncensored, which is the 2-disc DVD set of the animated series. I've had it for years and he'd never seen it, so I thought it was a good choice. I forgot how hilarious it was. In my opinion, it's way better than most things I've seen on Cartoon Network and the like. I made spaghetti with Italian sausage and garlic bread – simple, yet still quite yummo. And we pretty much just talked about life and history and dreams and work and people at work. It was cool how we see a lot of the world, and things in it, in similar ways. I actually had fun! So he went home and I fell asleep on the couch from too much spaghetti, but that's okay, because it was a special occasion, right? I woke up when Chris got home from work and went to bed. Nighty night!

1-26-2013

      Welcome one and all to the first “half-pager”! When you get to the point where you're only writing about work, well, let's just say it's time to reassess. So what happened at work today? Um, first I moved some salad dressing from one shelf to another. Then, I moved some hot sauce. Then, I moved some microwave lunch thingys. Then, I went on break. I was so happy, because the soda machine was actually dispensing Diet Mountain Dew again! Sometimes I have to wait over a week! You'd think the machine would be checked on more often, especially since it's always running out of sodas/going into “exact change only” mode. I decided to take my drink to one of the benches right outside the break room, because there were too many people in the break room already. Also, I noticed someone flipping through the channels and I had a sinking feeling that the TV was going to end up on country music videos. From outside the break room only a minute or so later, I began to hear that sweet, sweet music, and I realized I had made the right decision. After my fifteen minutes were up, I went back to work. I boxed up some cocoa and put some chips out onto the shelves. Went home for lunch. Came back for zone. Put up returns. I ran into a co-worker who was shopping and needed a ride home. She said she usually walks, but she had bought too many groceries today. I said it would be no problem and went to clock out for the day. I took her home and even helped her with her bags to the door! What? I am becoming way too gentlemanly in my middle-age. We said our goodbyes and I went home.

      When I got home, I had an egg and sausage sandwich. Yeah, I know, but I have no money and nothing else to eat. I watched an episode of Legit (really good show, by the way) while I sat eating. Finally, I made it to my room to write this!

      Alright, so just a few more lines and we're done. Oh, my “friend at work” is coming over tomorrow, so maybe that will provide some blog fodder. Did I use that word right?

 

1-25-2013

      Hey there, blog fans! It's yer old pal Aloof Cat again! Wait, is that my name in the blog or am I just saying that's what I am, not who I am? As in, there goes Jason; he's such an aloof cat, don'tcha know? Or is that just the name of the blog itself? I mean, it is capitalized.

      So after yesterday's blog entry, I checked out some of the editors' “help for newbies” posts on the Cracked.com forums. The process of submission/review/selection is easy enough to follow. I just think that the greatest hurdle is coming up with an idea to pitch. It's so hard! For those of you who don't know, a typical Cracked.com article is an article based in fact, but with a twist or different spin to it, but always remaining factual. Something like “5 Terrifying Serial Killers Who Happened to Be Animals” (http://www.cracked.com/article_19737_5-terrifying-serial-killers-who-happened-to-be-animals.html ). They're basically non-fiction articles, turned a bit on their heads, in a list form, with jokes! I'd love to see an article of mine published, even if only once. It would be nice to be able to show it off to ladies in bars and such. I guess I'd have to start going to bars though.

      Before I forget, if you are reading this and you have an idea you'd like to let me have, I'd love it if you'd let me know. Thanks!

      Sooooo, um, let's see. I guess we can talk about work, since that's what I did today, and all I've done since the last installment. First, a bunch of us from different departments put out the frozen freight. Then, my “friend at work” and I helped put out the dairy and meat freight. Exciting stuff! I only call him “friend at work”, because I don't want to use his or anyone's name unless they want me to. Then, I went on break. I caught the last ten minutes of The Price is Right. This one lady overbid and all of us in the break room knew it! So when you overbid, you automatically lose. The lady who underbid by over ten thousand dollars won! She was one lucky lady. Anyway, after break, on my way back to the grocery dept., the store manager catches me to give me a cart of paper/chemicals to put out. Paper means paper towels and toilet paper. Chemicals means detergents, cleaners, mops/brooms, and air fresheners. The only thing is paper/chemicals (my departments) only made up half the cart. The other half was furniture and hardware departments. I could have taken the cart back after doing only “my” stuff, but I decided to work the whole cart, because it just made it that much longer before I'd have to talk to anyone. I mean, because I'm such a good, hard-working employee.

      And then it was lunchtime! I live only about a mile from work, so I drive home for lunch every work day. I had Tuna and Ramen, also the name of my sim's first “humor” novel. That's what I usually have for lunch. It's cheap and I never seem to get tired of it, you know, like yo mama. You know you were thinking it. Anywho, I have just enough time to make lunch and eat it while catching up on Facebook before it's time to go back. I try to take my lunch as late in the day as possible, and you have to take it before six hours in. I go in at 8 AM, so I have to take mine by 2 PM. But it's an hour long, so I'm back at 3 PM, and then it's only two hours 'til it's over.

      Back at work and the rest of my day is zoning my paper and chemicals aisles and putting up returns. If you care, zoning just means pulling all the shelf product to the front and making the aisles look nice. Returns are things that go back on the shelves that aren't truck freight, like abandoned carts of stuff, stuff put in the wrong place by lazy customers, stuff people bring to customer service. You don't care.

      Finally, I do a little shopping, run into one of our vendors in line at the cashier, wonder a tiny, little bit if she likes me...naaaaah, pay for my groceries, get my coupon ignored, and drive home.

      At home, I make myself nachos for dinner. I didn't want nachos, but I can't let all this nacho cheese go to waste. I bought a lot. But now it's all gone, so NO MORE NACHOS! I took my nachos to my room, put on some Parks and Recreation and sat down to write this. So, there you have it. A work-day-in-the-life. I actually wrote a page on what I did at work today. Hmm...I'm starting to think maybe half-a-page a day is enough.

1-24-2013

      So about that newspaper job. I looked up “clips” and it just means copies of your published articles. I haven't had a “published article” since high school newspaper. I wonder if I have any old copies. I haven't looked through the old boxes of junk for awhile, but I don't remember having any. Man, there are so few hours in a day. My friend and I went to Wingstop for lunch and watched a movie on the Netflix. After she left, I cleaned the kitchen, started the laundry, proofread, edited, and posted my next blog entry, and I'm only now getting around to writing today's post, this right here, at 6:50 PM. I remember reading on the Cracked.com site about signing up to write for them and I seem to remember it being super easy, but once again, the day got away from me. So, again, I want to get this done so I can maybe go check that out and at least get registered before bedtime. Hold on to your hats, fans, but I had NO TIME to play The Sims 3 today! I need my fix! Buuuuut I did watch the season finale of American Horror Story, which was awesome and quite satisfying. If you haven't watched this season, it is a must see.

      Ooo, I know what I wanted to talk about! Not to make it sound exciting or anything, it's just something to write. So, night before last, I had a dream that I was at a party at Stephen Colbert's house, which looked totally huge and awesome, by the way. Anyway, I'm standing with a cocktail in the living room, trying to look cool, but no one is talking to me, because they're, like, all celebrities and I'm, well, me. All of a sudden, this gorgeous redhead gets up off the couch and asks me if I knew where she could put her coat. Being the gentleman that I am, I tell her that I'd be happy to take her coat for her (although, I'm pretty sure I was a guest, just to make that clear). She said, “Thank you,” but if I could just show her where to put it she'd appreciate it. I made some sort of right-this-way gesture, like I had any idea where I was going, and I began giving the lady a tour of the house. I remember walking into a few rooms and discussing how lovely Stephen's house was. Eventually, we ended up outside at some sort of greenhouse or maybe a bird sanctuary of some kind. The woman proceeded to climb onto the roof and began making what looked like some kind of repairs to it. Mind you, this entire time that we are outside, up to and including the roof patch-up, we are having the most amazing, engrossing conversation. It was something about world events or politics - a few different topics, but like that, if I remember right. So she's up there hammering about on the roof and I'm on the ground looking up at her, as if it were the most normal thing in the world and we're talking away like two intelligent, sexy, old friends. And then I woke up. Don't you hate that? The thing is, after I woke up, I remembered the face and it was a face I recognized, but couldn't quite place. All I could remember was that she was a famous redhead. So, of course, I searched for pictures of famous redheads, as you do, and I found her! It was Lauren Ambrose! I looked her up on Wikipedia and she's happily married with two kids. What the hell, man? I so thought that dream meant that we were “meant to be”. Hmm... Why she gotta lead me on like that? Women. Am I right, fellas?

      How cool would it be to get an article published on Cracked.com? Super duper cool is how cool. They want articles, photoshops, infographics, and videos. I don't really know anything about creating graphics and photo manipulations and that kind of thing, so I'm going to give writing an article a stab. The thing is: they need their articles to be in their patented (probably not patented) list-style way. That's a bit frightening to the anal-retentive in me. For example, if I wrote an article called, oh, let's say The Six Things You Should Know About Silly Putty. Even after publication, I'd be mentally disturbed over the notion of, perhaps, having forgotten the seventh thing you should know. Not so much out of a concern for public safety, but more out of having written a poorly researched and incomplete article. Ya know, me being perfect and all. But I suppose the best thing to do is to just jump in and block out all those screwy little insecurities. I suffer everyone else's imperfections already. It's time to get out there and make everyone suffer some of mine. I think it will be okay.

1-23-2013

     It's 10:13 in the PM on 1-23-2013! I'm catching up finally! Let's get right to it. Last time, we were talking about “good” food and “bad” food and I was saying how I could do vegetarian with fish. I meant like for a diet. I could go meatless, except for fish. It's the least fatty animal anyway and I LOVE tuna. And vegetarian over vegan, for me, because I need butter. I've tried all the fakey butters and yuck. Tuna and butter. Gotta have 'em. Great, now I want Tuna Helper. Oh wow, that stuff can't be good for you because it is yummo to the max! Anyway, to wrap up this little topic on kicking the bad habits (or getting on the good ones): smoking = done, eating right (in my opinion, of course) = doable, vodka = not in the foreseeable future. Hey, one thing at a time...

      Okay, I went away for about an hour getting set up on Blogger. Only fifteen minutes left in today so I need to write write write. Every cover photo I uploaded was too big and I tried messing with the editor, but couldn't get it to shrink, so I just picked a different picture and it looks okay. As soon as I get done with today's page, I'm going to go back and finish up the set up and maybe even get a post up! I guess then I should tell my Facebook friends. I was thinking about setting up one of those special Facebook groups to select particular friends, but then I thought that I might as well get as much exposure as possible.

      I've been playing my original sim today, because I don't want to go any further on my “real me” sim, because I still have “wishes” of his to do AND I still have to get a new job! With all of this practice, I'm going to give myself a complete on “Learn Writing Skill”. I still have to “Take a Class in the Writing Skill” and “Order Pizza”. If my roommate brings home free pizza from work, does that count? Can I cross that wish off the list? Yeah, I think I can. Did I mention it would be free? Yay! Hmm. What about that writing class wish? I think it would have to be a free writing class. I'm not going to make midnight, sitting here at 11:58 PM, so I'm gonna look that up real quick-like. Alrighty, back after about twenty minutes of searching. I found three sites that interest me: the San Antonio Writers' Guild, a blog about writing to publish, and a free creative writing course. First, the SAWG home page shows their next meeting at 7:00 on February 7 and it says they're open to “any new or established writer”. I'd like to go, but I'm going to have to see if maybe my brother can take me. I don't like driving my car any farther than I'd be comfortable walking home from. I should try to have something written by then, like a novel's first chapter or a short story. Hopefully, this creative writing course will help me get it done. Second, the blog is called Write to Publish and it says it's about “discussions on the business side of novel writing”. I didn't give it more than a cursory glance, but it looks meaty in regards to good information. I'm going to get to it when I have more time. And finally, a free creative writing course – again, I didn't get too in-depth, but it looks good too. Before I go to bed tonight, I want to finish this page and finish setting up my Blogger. I'll be sure to share the web addresses if they turn out to be as great as they seem. So, if I take that little free online course...I'd say that will be the final wish (for now) fulfilled! Then, we'll have only the last little problem before I can go back into my “real sim” game: finding a new job. To refresh, we've narrowed it down to Culinary, Journalism, or Politics. If I only manage to secure a position at, say, Jack in the Box, does that count as mission accomplished? After careful consideration, I'm going to say, “no”. The reason being is that the ten job titles you earn as you make your way up the Culinary career ladder are all fine dining-ish – no “Fry Guy” or “Burger Flipper” here. I'm all for making my quest easier, but I gotta be fair to the spirit of the “game” we're playing here. I need to get on the ball about finding a job down one of these paths so my sim can get his life going...and maybe me too! I saw a job posting for a reporter/writer for Castroville News Bulletin that looks interesting. On the plus side, it's only fourteen miles away. On the minus side, I think most of that trip is just undeveloped, country highway, so it would royally suck to get stuck out there in the event of car breakdown. Also, they want two clips and a resume! Two clips? Wha??

1-22-2013

      Okay, it's actually 3:03 PM on 1-23-2013. I'm thinking I need to keep the last two lines on each page blank to make the copy and paste to e-mail simpler. As it is now, I have to go down the e-mail and space between each entry, which is no big deal when you only have a few entries, but if I'm doing this everyday...

      Woo hoo! Now it's 9:14 PM and I have to finish this page AND today's after this! In case this is actually ever read by anyone, this wasn't meant to be polished, hilarious entertainment. It's more of a tool to keep the writing juices flowing in hopes of maybe stumbling across a nugget once in awhile. So myehh to you. God, this is so hard. I have truly run out of things to say. I mean I could say things, but they wouldn't be anything like the wonderful, interesting things I've said already. Like it's getting warm so I'm standing up to turn up the fan. That's better. I wonder how cold it's getting tonight. Lemme check. Okay, 55, nice. I hate the weather here. It doesn't stay cold long enough. What else? What else? Well, my French toast came out delicious, of course, and I fried up some breakfast sausage to go with it and then I turned on some Daily Show and then passed out on the couch. I gotta get back to eating better. It's like I go through these cycles. I didn't feel so hot after my late afternoon breakfast there. Not sick, just like a fat, bloated whale that had to “beach” on the couch for a couple of hours. I made myself get up at 7 PM, because I wanted to get the kitchen cleaned up and I listened to some comedy on the ol' Pandora whilst doing so. Now, I'm in my bedroom writing for you – with a little help from Ms. Vodka! I know I'm a horrible person after complaining about alcohol before, but at least I didn't drink last night! So that's something, right? Seriously, I'm going to really try not to overdo it tonight. But what can I say, it just feels good. Without it, I'm just really sad and anxious. Not always, just sometimes. I'm only putting a shot in every other Diet Coke, so that's helping to slow it down a bit. Anyway, I feel like drinking is something I can't really change right now in my life. On the other hand, regarding my diet, I'm starting to see that a bit like when I was smoking – cigarettes, that is. What I mean is in the way that it's something that I actually feel is in my power to change easily without being too painful. I smoked for most of the time from 1999-2012, just not alot. Like a pack would last a week or two. So for me it was just a distraction and not so much a necessity. Then, this past summer, I read an article about some scientists who published their findings specifically about people who only smoked about as much as I did and how it was still really bad for you, so I just finished my pack and quit. I'd say I missed cigarettes for maybe a week and then I didn't anymore. In the spirit of full disclosure, I did smoke twice since and that's still bad, but I can live with myself having smoked four cigarettes in a six-month period. And I'll probably never do it again.

      So, eating “bad” food is sort of like smoking cigarettes to me in that I could just as easily stop it without putting myself through a whole lot of pain. I don't really even enjoy “bad” food anymore, at least not like I used to when I was younger. I wonder if your taste buds change or if you've lived enough years knowing what you shouldn't eat that one day it just sort of “comes online” in your subconscious. I don't know what it is, but now when I eat something that's not good for me, like super sweet or super fatty, I think to myself, “Ya know, self, this doesn't taste as great as I remember it as a kid and I'd rather be eating a bowl of my yummo mulligatawny.” Of course, you can insert your own favorite yummo “good” food there. Over the past few days, I've been eating raspberry crisp (filled with sugary raspberrylicious syrup) with Cool Whip and pumpkin pie with Cool Whip and nachos and French toast and sausage and all kinds of stuff like that I shouldn't be eating. And I'm having that same feeling like when I quit smoking. I could quit this stuff easy, so why don't I? Granted, ten years ago I couldn't have. I loved it too much. But for whatever mysterious reason, biological or what, “bad” foods just aren't as delicious to me as they once were. I went on a 21-day vegan diet (pcrm.org, if you're interested) last year and it wasn't hard to do. I think I could do vegetarian with fish.

1-21-2013 (Warning: There might be a little profanity in any entry from now on, so I don't have to write this again.)

      It's 1-22-2013. I'm bad. But at least I haven't given up! It's lunch time and I have to get back to work. More later. Alright, it's 8:10 PM and I have two days worth of pages to write! I just want to say that I have nothing against you go-getter types. It's just that I don't go to your management or executive interviews and try to take your job from you. Yeah, it's sorta like that. Okay, now that we're all friends again. Yesterday, I was too busy to get any writing done, except for the last page above, which I should have written the night before. Soooo, I woke up and wrote the 1-20-2013 page. Then, I went to visit my brother, sister-in-law, two nieces, and nephew and spent all day there. We had nachos and spaghetti and pie and I enjoyed a vodka drink or many and we played Dibs (a board game) and listened to music and had a great old time. I left there around 8 or 9 PM and went home where my roommate had a couple of friends over with whom I had to play Beatles Trivial Pursuit (I won!) and enjoy another vodka drink or many. I didn't get to bed 'til like 2 AM and then had to wake up at 6:30 AM for work. I'm telling you all this to explain why I couldn't get today's page done until tomorrow, which is actually now, when I'm writing this. I'm running on four hours of sleep and yawning like a cow, but I'm an adult and I WILL FINISH MY HOMEWORK! Anywho, I'm gonna wake up with a hangover and stomach cramps tomorrow. Remember? I know this because I'm in the future. And I'm gonna be in a shitty, depressed, can't-give-a-fuck mood for most of the day. I need a new drug. I used to smoke weed, which I loved, but I quit because I was job hunting (drug screens), but there's nothing out there, so I want to smoke again, even if once in a while. The only reason left that I don't is because it makes me eat like a cow. Losing weight/keeping weight off is hard enough without “appetite overdrive” if you know what I mean. So, instead, I've been drinking more, which is fun, too. Not as fun, but better than nothing. The only problem here is it's kind of starting to make me sick to where I'm kind of getting over the whole drinking thing. I don't know why I drink to excess anyway. I feel as good as I'm going to by the fourth or fifth drink, so I might as well stop there. I think it has something to do with wanting to hold onto that last little dirty vice. I stopped overeating (most of the time), and stopped smoking weed and cigarettes. It's like alcohol, especially vodka, is my last little security blanket. But it's not good for me and my body is starting to tell me so. I've been thinking of going back to coffee. There was a time I drank it everyday, but I haven't had it in years. I wonder if I have a coffee maker out in the garage. It would be nice not to have to buy a new one.

      I'm gonna go paragraphs. I had considered and declined the notion earlier, but I've changed my mind. I was going to go back and paragraphize everything back to the beginning, but then I thought that would, like, ruin the documentation of the moment – the snapshot in history, if you will. Plus, it will make the page I have to fill approximately three to five lines shorter. So I'm still wondering what to do with this stuff. I might just start a blog with it and then maybe put it together in a book form after a year? I still don't know why anyone would want it in book form if it's available online. Would we take the blog offline when the book came out? But wouldn't people have already made copies of it somewhere else on the internet. What I'm trying to say is that I don't know how this stuff works. It's funny how all this speculation assumes a fanbase of some kind. LOL. Yes, that was a real LOL.

      I just woke up from passing out at the keyboard. No, no drinking tonight, in case you were wondering. I neeeeed to sleeeeep! Fuck it. I ny nys!

      Now, it's 1-23-2013 and I'm still writing 1-21's page. It's my day off and I'm playing Sims 3, the satellite TV's not working, and I'm soaking French toast in the refrigerator – needs about another hour or two. I can't wait, because I'm so hungry!

      Another thing, since I'm letting myself NOT finish a page a day and am continuing it the following day (although I am REALLY trying), I've decided it's okay to go on to the next page if I have more to say and run out of room. It makes sense. As long as I'm averaging a page a day, the spirit of the law is kept, in that I'm being equally productive over time. Alrighty. Time to start yesterday's page.

1-20-2013 (Warning: Some profanity. It might get a teensy bit ranty in one spot.)

     Okay, it's only day three and I'm already going to break a rule. I just got home from work and I can't stay awake. I haven't been this tired in a long time, so I'm writing this and then I'll have to finish this page when I wake up, which may be after midnight. Night night! I'm back. It's 8:28 AM on 1-21-2013. I'm so ashamed. Oh well. I could not keep my eyes opened, but I got a good rest. In bed by 8:00 PM. What an old man. Anywho, in pursuit of my new writing career, I thought, “Hey, let's look into taking a creative writing class down at the local community college!” You know, to start networking or schmooze my way into getting a mentor – stuff like that. Well, holy hell, it's 500 bucks! Granted, you can take two courses and it costs exactly the same, but I don't have $500 to spend either way, so the point is moot. I want to visit my brother and sister-in-law today, so I want to get this done quickly. I'm going to bring pie and nachos, so, like, how can they refuse, eh? I've been thinking about how I want to address my audience in this “journal”. Like that last sentence, I almost just used my brother and sister-in-law's names, as you would if you were just writing for yourself. But then I started thinking about the wider audience if this ever went public or had to be marketed. Not so much from a privacy standpoint, just from a less-awkward-to-read standpoint. Either way, if it ever got to that point, there would be enough proofreading and rewrites that something like that could easily be changed in those processes. On to the Sims 3... I finished “me” and my new house. I made it as lifelike as possible, but I need a job badly. I have “walls” but no “wall coverings” inside and out, and “I” am not happy. And that stuff costs money. Oh, I had to move the TV, which is in my bedroom in real life, out into the common area (kitchen/dining room), because he won't sit on the bed to watch it and he looks dumb having to stand to watch TV. I think I'll refer to him in the third person from now on, since I sometimes need to differentiate between something “I” do in the game and something the sim does. I'm sorta feeling the need for paragraphs, but I'd feel like I'm cheating. I have to decide on my sim's career. I want it to be something I could realistically do. Like I couldn't be a cop or doctor in real life, for example. I also don't want to choose a career I wouldn't want to do in real life, like Business or Criminal. That leaves Culinary, Journalism, and Politics. Hey, I thought you didn't want to be a criminal. Ba-dum-dum. In case you didn't know, the job market sucks, if I may digress. All the go-getter corporate slave minds are being forced to take more menial jobs. Menial jobs that us not-as-ambitious types count on for our livelihoods! I went for an interview for a shitty call center job a few weeks back. I wore my polo shirt and nice tan Docker-knockoffs. So I get there and I'm pointed to a waiting room filled with people in business suits and briefcases and they just looked like people I wouldn't particularly like in the outside world. I wanted to scream, “What the hell are you people doing here? Go run a board meeting or play golf or ride around in your Rolls or whatever it is you corporate-types do! Stop taking our jobs! (Yeah. South Park. I know. Move along.) For fuck's sake, this is just some SHITTY JOB!” Seriously, this country is fucked if these corporate-looking fuckers are scrounging for our shit jobs. Seriously. That's why I'm forced to work at Wal-mart. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the job and it's really not as bad as you might think. The only problem I have with it is that the pay sucks. And it's coming up on a year of me working there trying to find something else and there's nothing out there. Nothing except fast food. I've worked fast food, and again, I don't have a problem with the work; it's just that the pay sucks. I can't get ahead in my life AT ALL. I'm stagnated. It's been a year since I moved in with Chris and I am none-the-better financially. I always have a TV or music on, because I hate having a moment to my thoughts. I start feeling really hopeless. Anyway, so Culinary, Journalism, or Politics! I checked on indeed.com and there's not much in the way of the first two in this area and I wouldn't even begin to know how to get into politics, beyond being a volunteer. So Politics might be out from the get-go. I'll dive a little deeper into this today or tomorrow and hopefully make an informed decision. I have to do this in real life too! Scary stuff! And my sim just made his first three wishes: “Learn Writing Skill”, “Take a Class in the Writing Skill” (Oh my god! That is freaking weird!), and “Order Pizza”. Uh oh, I think I made him too good. Poor bastard.

1-19-2013

      Sooooo, here we are for another installment of the page...of...writing! Wtf? I don't know. Anyway, it's 10:24 PM and I wanted to get this in on time 'cause I'm all disciplined and stuff. I just finished creating the “real me” sim and I'm going to build his house as soon as I'm done writing this or maybe at the same time if I run out of things to say before reaching the end of the page. Yes, I have been drinking, which is nice. I'm gonna write...write. I'm gonna write. I'm gonna write...write. I'm gonna write. I'm gonna write...write. I'm gonna write. I'm gonna write. Meow! Like a pussy cat! Do do do do! I'm gonna sound like a teenage boy for a bit here, so bear with me. Omg there's like this super cute girl I like who works at McDonald's, and I wasn't even going to go that route on this here writing medium or whatever, but she's on my mind and I can't think of anything else to write about, and I really just want to get this self-inflicted assignment over with, because I have a deadline and I want to get my new sim's house built before I go to bed 'cause I have to get up for work in the morning. I'm going to make a drink real quick. Okay, back with the drink. Ahh! So, my friend at work, who is like a really cool dude, can't seem to understand why I don't just go up and talk to her and ask her out or whatever. Hmm...what's my opening line?

Hey baby, wanna go out with a poor, overweight, middle-aged Wal-mart sales associate who rents a room in his ex-co-worker's house?

Scary, huh? What scares me even more is if she said, “Sure!” Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with this cool chick if she were actually interested? So you see, I resign myself to fantasy. I watch her deal with customers and her co-workers...not watch watch. I just catch a glimpse as I walk by, maybe walking by a little slower than I normally walk to take in as much of her as I can. God, I am SAD! Anyway, she has that “I'm too good for this place and meant for bigger and better things” attitude that I find really attractive. Or maybe I'm reading my own desire into what is, for all intents and purposes, no meaningful exposure to her whatsoever. Whatever. Shut up. Like I said. I didn't want to talk about romantic-type things, because some people get turned off by that, but I was so desperate to fill this page. I'm starting to wonder if I didn't say all I had to say on day one. I just felt a shiver. Hey, I'm listening to a John Mulaney bit on the old Pandora. He's awesome. I don't know if he's my favorite comedian, but a lot of the stuff he says I really relate to. I need to make some decent money or slightly more decent money, because I need to back up my hard drive. God, if my hard drive fails and I don't have it backed up, I'm gonna be real sad. I'm trying to listen to Mulaney while writing, but it's too distracting and I'm only listening and not writing. Oh, so my old hard drive failed a long time ago, like about a year-ish ago and I had two “chapters” written on it. One was like a weird sort of spy-ish kind of scene where the reader was set up with a lot of mysteries of sorts and the other was the beginning of a humorous fantasy-type novel. I wish I could read them again. If I can figure out how to get at them, I'll have to print them out and save to CD or get a new thumb drive. I HAVE a thumb drive, but it doesn't work with Windows 7! Jesus. It sucks being poor. All these things take money and I barely have enough to break even and I don't even spend money on anything beyond necessities. I gots to get to sleep, but at least I have the day after off, so when I get home I can sleep all I want. I'm trying to lose weight. Hey, something to write about! But it's kind of hard, even when you manage to stay “good”. I usually don't eat much during the day, because I like a filling meal for when I go to bed. It's been working pretty well so far. I won't go into specifics, but I bring it up so I can confess to you that I was bad tonight. I had fried chicken and Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese. But ya know what? These foods that I used to die for just aren't as interesting to me anymore. I don't know if it's age or my stomach shrinking or what. Well, end of page! Time to squeeze a little Sims 3 in before beddy-bye!

  

1-18-2013

     So, writers have to write, right? I have resolved to write one full page of anything everyday. Who knows? Maybe I'll have a book after a year. But who would want to read this? Anyway, I just got The Sims 3 and I am playing the shit out of it, which gave me this great idea. Or an idea. We'll see how great it is. Here's what I want to know. I pretty much gave my sim as close to my personality as possible: Couch Potato, Good Sense of Humor, Loner, Great Kisser, Natural Cook. So how come he's got a house with a pool and women and money and I don't have any of that? Thus was born my idea. I'm going to start a new sim and make him as much like me as possible, as before, but this time I'm going to favor the more negative traits. Negative, but still self-reflective. The reason is to give him the greatest, while keeping realistic, life disadvantages with the purpose of seeing what greatness we can pull out. I don't know if that made sense, but I know what I mean. So, I'll run the simulation with my new sim and then DO WHAT HE DOES IN REAL LIFE! Whaaa?? Yeah. I think it'll be a fun experiment. I'm, like, broke in real life, so I've got to play broke in The Sims 3. I was thinking of building myself the tiniest house with just the basic necessities and then see about moving my new sim in with my old (current) sim. But now I'm thinking about whether that would make any meaningful difference. It might be more reflective of my station in life just to have the crappiest little house with the most basic of furnishings, even though in real life I rent a room in the nice home of my ex-co-worker Chris. It's just because in the game, you can't “rent a room” from another sim. You move in – like roommates. It's like I would suddenly be 50% owner of the house and everything in it – not very realistic. Wow, a page is long. I'm not even halfway through. La da dee. So, back to the plan. In the game, your sim has needs and wants and a job and opportunities and goals and stuff, so I'll start off the game and when one of those things comes up, I'll do it! I want to start it right now, but I know if I stop writing to go do that, I probably won't come back. Ooo! I also wrote a few jokes yesterday or the day before. They were in my head when I woke up and I scribbled (well, typed) down all I could remember. I don't think they're too bad, but after reading them a few times out loud, I think I might need to practice slower delivery, pauses, and applause/laughter breaks. You know, for all the applause and laughter. I'd like to put together a five-minute set very soon, but I haven't thought of anything very funny since. I wonder if there are any writers' workshops nearby. I'd like to sign up for something like that. I also think I'd like to be a cook in a fine dining or near fine dining establishment. And maybe try a little gardening. I wonder what Chris would say to that. I guess I'd have to “fence off” a little corner of the backyard. I need to make a list of what I want to do, but this is a good start toward “not forgetting”. Toward or towards? I want to look that up. Okay, “toward” is American and “towards” is British. You're welcome. I want to write a novel. Maybe this will be that novel! I'll just stick a little narration at the beginning and end.

One day, Billy sat at his computer and began to type out his thoughts. He did this everyday for an entire year.

And then, 365 pages later...

Billy could hardly believe an entire year had passed since he started his “journal” of sorts. He leaned back in his chair, took a sip from his cappuccino, and saw that it was good.

The cappuccino really classes it up, in my opinion. Anyway, I also kind of want to act and play guitar and drums too. Oh yeah and paint...like paintings! Bob Ross makes it look so damn easy! I also want to find out what's the deal with getting published and agents and lawyers and all that. Well, we're nearing the end of the page so I shall bid you adieu, and hopefully, I should have my new sim ready to go by the time it comes time to write tomorrow's installment. End of page! So proud!