So happy right now.

     Nellie McKay is my heroin. I drop everything, whatever I'm doing, and feel warm all over whenever I hear her. Sometimes I forget and I'll have the iTunes on random and all of a sudden one of her songs will come on and no matter what I'm doing, writing, surfing, playing, I have to stop and dive into her and feel her warmth all around me. I've loved her for years and she still gets me. Not to sound egotistical, but if you were interested in me, just be her. I can't imagine I'd ever lose interest.

1-29-2013

      It was nearing the end of my first month at Walmart, when I was having a conversation with a co-worker about how I hadn't yet been trained on making a cardboard bale. He said something to the effect of, “Oh, they'll teach you that within a month or two,” to which I replied, something to the effect of, “Oh God, I'd better not still be here in a month or two.” He gave me a strange look. I couldn't be sure whether the look was communicating that he thought I was crazy to want to leave or if he was trying to tell me to keep quiet in a “you never know who's listening” kind of way. Here's the hilarious part. In two months, I'll have been here a year! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Kill me.

      Hmm...I kinda just wanted to end the post on that note, but that would be lazy. Let's see. What else? What else? At work this morning, we had to do a thorough cleaning of the fish tanks which allowed me to spend all morning with – oops, almost forgot about not using names – a co-worker who I love working with because we really get along and poke fun at each other and I missed her bunches because we used to work together almost everyday, but for about the past month or two, I've been kidnapped by Grocery on a daily basis. Anyway, we haven't worked together in forever, but we did today, and it made me happy all day. You know, it's interesting (to me, at least); I'm learning things about myself through writing this blog everyday. This may be a complete misreading of the facts, but I think I might not be as constantly and continuously sad as I thought I was. On the other hand, my mood tends to cycle through good and bad through stretches of time sometimes as long as a month or a season. So maybe I just happen to be in the middle of a good stretch. Time will tell. Anywho, after work, I went home. I ate an egg and cheese sandwich. I watched more Portlandia. The end...or is it?

1-28-2013

      Okay, so I just finished the last entry and now it's 2:23 PM, 1-28-2013. I can't believe the day's more than half over! I just woke up! I'm hungry. Be back soon. I'm back and it's five hours later. I made some potato and egg tacos and I caught up on all the Daily Shows and Colbert Reports on hulu. Then, I watched an American Idol and then I watched this season's first three episodes of Girls. Oh and I cleaned the kitchen too! So at least it wasn't a totally lazy day. And now, I'm watching an episode of Portlandia. I really need to jump into this Cracked article, but I don't know how to start, like what to write it on, so I think I'm maybe procrastinating a little. Well, it's already 9:16 PM, and I haven't played Sims in ages or a few days, actually, so I feel like playing a little before bed. And then, work is tomorrow. But then, I'm off for two days and I am really gonna get on it. I used to work Saturday through Tuesday and be off Wednesday through Friday, but now my days off are split, being off Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Woah. I just checked my schedule online and for Feb 09 – Feb 15, they have me scheduled for 40 hours. That's weird. First of all, my official schedule availability is supposed to cap me at 28 hours per week. Now here's the thing. A few months ago, they just started scheduling me 32 hours per week. I never said anything, because, let's be honest, I really need the money. But what's strange is that as a part-timer, they get really excited if you work over 32 hours in a week. I can't remember exactly what the deal is, something like if you work over a certain number of hours every week (I forget, but like somewhere between 35-39) for a certain number of weeks, they have to make you full-time. So are they making me full-time? I mean, because the schedule is different from the week before, I'm pretty sure someone had to go in and make it, like a purposeful, manual override, ya know? In any event, I need the money, so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut again. If it's a mistake and they fix it, that's cool. If someone screwed up and they don't catch it, I guess I'll just let myself slip naturally into full-time – like I said...money...need...badly.

  

1-27-2013

      It's 12:55 in the PM on 1-28-2013. I just couldn't get around to writing yesterday and I just woke up! Ah, I love it when I can “sleep-in”. Tee hee! Hey, I think I might actually be in a good mood! I better not look at it or it'll disappear. Sooooo, since last we spoke (that's a weird way of putting it), what have I done? We're talking 1-27-2013, mind you. Um, I woke up and went to work. I put out some paper/chemicals and then got assigned to assemble the kennels for display in Pets. While I'm “assembling”, a cashier acquaintance, who was shopping for fish supplies, stops by and chats with me about Bettas and other fish for a few minutes. I always thought she was kinda cute, but she also seems “pretty smart” and can “hold a conversation”. So that was cool. Hmm... Moving on.

      The rest of the day you probably already know: lunch, zone, returns, home. That gave me an hour before my friend got there, so I showered and straightened up the house a little. I can feel some of you laughing at how apparent it is that I don't have people over very often. You're right. Or is that just all in my head and this is really just me laughing at myself? Wuuuuut? Anyway, about an hour or so after I got home, he comes over. We watched Clerks Uncensored, which is the 2-disc DVD set of the animated series. I've had it for years and he'd never seen it, so I thought it was a good choice. I forgot how hilarious it was. In my opinion, it's way better than most things I've seen on Cartoon Network and the like. I made spaghetti with Italian sausage and garlic bread – simple, yet still quite yummo. And we pretty much just talked about life and history and dreams and work and people at work. It was cool how we see a lot of the world, and things in it, in similar ways. I actually had fun! So he went home and I fell asleep on the couch from too much spaghetti, but that's okay, because it was a special occasion, right? I woke up when Chris got home from work and went to bed. Nighty night!

1-26-2013

      Welcome one and all to the first “half-pager”! When you get to the point where you're only writing about work, well, let's just say it's time to reassess. So what happened at work today? Um, first I moved some salad dressing from one shelf to another. Then, I moved some hot sauce. Then, I moved some microwave lunch thingys. Then, I went on break. I was so happy, because the soda machine was actually dispensing Diet Mountain Dew again! Sometimes I have to wait over a week! You'd think the machine would be checked on more often, especially since it's always running out of sodas/going into “exact change only” mode. I decided to take my drink to one of the benches right outside the break room, because there were too many people in the break room already. Also, I noticed someone flipping through the channels and I had a sinking feeling that the TV was going to end up on country music videos. From outside the break room only a minute or so later, I began to hear that sweet, sweet music, and I realized I had made the right decision. After my fifteen minutes were up, I went back to work. I boxed up some cocoa and put some chips out onto the shelves. Went home for lunch. Came back for zone. Put up returns. I ran into a co-worker who was shopping and needed a ride home. She said she usually walks, but she had bought too many groceries today. I said it would be no problem and went to clock out for the day. I took her home and even helped her with her bags to the door! What? I am becoming way too gentlemanly in my middle-age. We said our goodbyes and I went home.

      When I got home, I had an egg and sausage sandwich. Yeah, I know, but I have no money and nothing else to eat. I watched an episode of Legit (really good show, by the way) while I sat eating. Finally, I made it to my room to write this!

      Alright, so just a few more lines and we're done. Oh, my “friend at work” is coming over tomorrow, so maybe that will provide some blog fodder. Did I use that word right?

 

1-25-2013

      Hey there, blog fans! It's yer old pal Aloof Cat again! Wait, is that my name in the blog or am I just saying that's what I am, not who I am? As in, there goes Jason; he's such an aloof cat, don'tcha know? Or is that just the name of the blog itself? I mean, it is capitalized.

      So after yesterday's blog entry, I checked out some of the editors' “help for newbies” posts on the Cracked.com forums. The process of submission/review/selection is easy enough to follow. I just think that the greatest hurdle is coming up with an idea to pitch. It's so hard! For those of you who don't know, a typical Cracked.com article is an article based in fact, but with a twist or different spin to it, but always remaining factual. Something like “5 Terrifying Serial Killers Who Happened to Be Animals” (http://www.cracked.com/article_19737_5-terrifying-serial-killers-who-happened-to-be-animals.html ). They're basically non-fiction articles, turned a bit on their heads, in a list form, with jokes! I'd love to see an article of mine published, even if only once. It would be nice to be able to show it off to ladies in bars and such. I guess I'd have to start going to bars though.

      Before I forget, if you are reading this and you have an idea you'd like to let me have, I'd love it if you'd let me know. Thanks!

      Sooooo, um, let's see. I guess we can talk about work, since that's what I did today, and all I've done since the last installment. First, a bunch of us from different departments put out the frozen freight. Then, my “friend at work” and I helped put out the dairy and meat freight. Exciting stuff! I only call him “friend at work”, because I don't want to use his or anyone's name unless they want me to. Then, I went on break. I caught the last ten minutes of The Price is Right. This one lady overbid and all of us in the break room knew it! So when you overbid, you automatically lose. The lady who underbid by over ten thousand dollars won! She was one lucky lady. Anyway, after break, on my way back to the grocery dept., the store manager catches me to give me a cart of paper/chemicals to put out. Paper means paper towels and toilet paper. Chemicals means detergents, cleaners, mops/brooms, and air fresheners. The only thing is paper/chemicals (my departments) only made up half the cart. The other half was furniture and hardware departments. I could have taken the cart back after doing only “my” stuff, but I decided to work the whole cart, because it just made it that much longer before I'd have to talk to anyone. I mean, because I'm such a good, hard-working employee.

      And then it was lunchtime! I live only about a mile from work, so I drive home for lunch every work day. I had Tuna and Ramen, also the name of my sim's first “humor” novel. That's what I usually have for lunch. It's cheap and I never seem to get tired of it, you know, like yo mama. You know you were thinking it. Anywho, I have just enough time to make lunch and eat it while catching up on Facebook before it's time to go back. I try to take my lunch as late in the day as possible, and you have to take it before six hours in. I go in at 8 AM, so I have to take mine by 2 PM. But it's an hour long, so I'm back at 3 PM, and then it's only two hours 'til it's over.

      Back at work and the rest of my day is zoning my paper and chemicals aisles and putting up returns. If you care, zoning just means pulling all the shelf product to the front and making the aisles look nice. Returns are things that go back on the shelves that aren't truck freight, like abandoned carts of stuff, stuff put in the wrong place by lazy customers, stuff people bring to customer service. You don't care.

      Finally, I do a little shopping, run into one of our vendors in line at the cashier, wonder a tiny, little bit if she likes me...naaaaah, pay for my groceries, get my coupon ignored, and drive home.

      At home, I make myself nachos for dinner. I didn't want nachos, but I can't let all this nacho cheese go to waste. I bought a lot. But now it's all gone, so NO MORE NACHOS! I took my nachos to my room, put on some Parks and Recreation and sat down to write this. So, there you have it. A work-day-in-the-life. I actually wrote a page on what I did at work today. Hmm...I'm starting to think maybe half-a-page a day is enough.

1-24-2013

      So about that newspaper job. I looked up “clips” and it just means copies of your published articles. I haven't had a “published article” since high school newspaper. I wonder if I have any old copies. I haven't looked through the old boxes of junk for awhile, but I don't remember having any. Man, there are so few hours in a day. My friend and I went to Wingstop for lunch and watched a movie on the Netflix. After she left, I cleaned the kitchen, started the laundry, proofread, edited, and posted my next blog entry, and I'm only now getting around to writing today's post, this right here, at 6:50 PM. I remember reading on the Cracked.com site about signing up to write for them and I seem to remember it being super easy, but once again, the day got away from me. So, again, I want to get this done so I can maybe go check that out and at least get registered before bedtime. Hold on to your hats, fans, but I had NO TIME to play The Sims 3 today! I need my fix! Buuuuut I did watch the season finale of American Horror Story, which was awesome and quite satisfying. If you haven't watched this season, it is a must see.

      Ooo, I know what I wanted to talk about! Not to make it sound exciting or anything, it's just something to write. So, night before last, I had a dream that I was at a party at Stephen Colbert's house, which looked totally huge and awesome, by the way. Anyway, I'm standing with a cocktail in the living room, trying to look cool, but no one is talking to me, because they're, like, all celebrities and I'm, well, me. All of a sudden, this gorgeous redhead gets up off the couch and asks me if I knew where she could put her coat. Being the gentleman that I am, I tell her that I'd be happy to take her coat for her (although, I'm pretty sure I was a guest, just to make that clear). She said, “Thank you,” but if I could just show her where to put it she'd appreciate it. I made some sort of right-this-way gesture, like I had any idea where I was going, and I began giving the lady a tour of the house. I remember walking into a few rooms and discussing how lovely Stephen's house was. Eventually, we ended up outside at some sort of greenhouse or maybe a bird sanctuary of some kind. The woman proceeded to climb onto the roof and began making what looked like some kind of repairs to it. Mind you, this entire time that we are outside, up to and including the roof patch-up, we are having the most amazing, engrossing conversation. It was something about world events or politics - a few different topics, but like that, if I remember right. So she's up there hammering about on the roof and I'm on the ground looking up at her, as if it were the most normal thing in the world and we're talking away like two intelligent, sexy, old friends. And then I woke up. Don't you hate that? The thing is, after I woke up, I remembered the face and it was a face I recognized, but couldn't quite place. All I could remember was that she was a famous redhead. So, of course, I searched for pictures of famous redheads, as you do, and I found her! It was Lauren Ambrose! I looked her up on Wikipedia and she's happily married with two kids. What the hell, man? I so thought that dream meant that we were “meant to be”. Hmm... Why she gotta lead me on like that? Women. Am I right, fellas?

      How cool would it be to get an article published on Cracked.com? Super duper cool is how cool. They want articles, photoshops, infographics, and videos. I don't really know anything about creating graphics and photo manipulations and that kind of thing, so I'm going to give writing an article a stab. The thing is: they need their articles to be in their patented (probably not patented) list-style way. That's a bit frightening to the anal-retentive in me. For example, if I wrote an article called, oh, let's say The Six Things You Should Know About Silly Putty. Even after publication, I'd be mentally disturbed over the notion of, perhaps, having forgotten the seventh thing you should know. Not so much out of a concern for public safety, but more out of having written a poorly researched and incomplete article. Ya know, me being perfect and all. But I suppose the best thing to do is to just jump in and block out all those screwy little insecurities. I suffer everyone else's imperfections already. It's time to get out there and make everyone suffer some of mine. I think it will be okay.